Why me?

I asked myself, “Why me?”
Why must I suffer so very much?
Why this sickness, this chain I drag,
Why not death? Wouldn’t that be kinder?

I cannot live like others do—
To run, to laugh without this weight,
To enjoy a meal, a walk, a breath,
To cherish time with those I love.

Each session drains my strength, my gold,
This treatment—my reluctant lifeline.
Yes, we are often called perwisyo,
Burdens to the ones we love.

And yet…
Why not me?

Did I not abuse this borrowed body?
I drank, I feasted, I ignored—
Each doctor’s word, each warning sign.
I wasted chances, two and three,
Until the door to healing shut.

Too late to turn this ship around,
Too late to save what once was strong.
Too late—yet not undone.

For why me?
Because I still can.

I can choose joy in quiet ways,
I can find purpose in this pain.
I can be light for someone else
Whose nights are darker still than mine.

Regret may whisper in the wind,
But I will raise my voice in hope.
Use me, Lord, despite my scars,
Use my hands, my mind, my past—
To build, to bless, to lift, to love.

Let our business grow in grace,
Let bills be paid and peace remain.
Let my wounds bear sacred fruit
For those I cherish, for Your name.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on us.
For each breath You lend, I give You thanks.
For love that stays through storms and fear—
For You, who never turned away.

I love You. I trust You. I will rise.
For even now, my life is Yours.
Amen.